


All The Things That Divide Us

by LandOfMistAndSecrets



Series: Thanks For Playing [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Dates, F/F, M/M, Post-Canon, Reconciliation, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 18:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7449055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LandOfMistAndSecrets/pseuds/LandOfMistAndSecrets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They might have beaten the game, but some people have farther to go than others before they feel like they can celebrate. Slice of life post-game stuff, Dirk POV, focused around him and his primary relationships. Romance wise this is mostly DirkJake, some on screen DaveKat, and JohnRoxy stuff is heavily discussed. The rest is all background/incidental.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Things That Divide Us

**Author's Note:**

> This is really just my attempt to gather my thoughts about how to approach post-canon fic, where everyone's at, who made it through and who didn't, testing out my thoughts on what happens to their powers and all that stuff and their relationship to the new universe. So yes, it's a DirkJake reconciliation fic but it also meanders a lot because I'm trying to hit on a lot of stuff (and still only got in like, half the platonic relationships I want to write. Cool.)

Dirk is kneeling in a nest of wires and scrap metal, safety mask pulled down, brow furrowed, wielding a welding torch like a weapon. Roxy's hand is warm on his shoulder. She's leaning over, wearing a mask of her own, and though he can't see it he knows she's frowning behind it, worrying her lip with her teeth. If they can just get _power_ to this damn thing, but Skaian tech is even weirder than troll tech and no one really has much of an understanding of any of it, not on this nuts-and-bolts sort of level, and even he's been baffled at some of the shit they've seen. A lot of Skaian tech seems to run on farts and fairy dust, to quote Roxy, and most of the time Dirk finds himself forced to agree. His phone buzzes in his pocket. Case in point -- Trollian. Still working. How? Why? 

He leans back on his heels, killing the torch. Roxy sighs beside him. Moving the transportalizers was easy enough -- at least, it was with Jade's help -- but getting them working in their new locations is proving to be quite the fucking puzzle. But the ability to travel instantly across infinite distance is the sort of goal worth pouring some effort into, and he's far from giving up. 

"Gotta check this," he grunts, tipping up the mask and retrieving his phone. Roxy pulls off her own mask and squints down over his shoulder, blatantly spying. He nudges her with his shoulder, a little admonishing, and she laughs in his ear. 

"How else am I supposed to get the hot gossip?" she says, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "Besides, if that's English, it's relevant, yeah? Our magic fuckin' phones still work from halfway around the new world, who cares whether the fish queen's data towers have been dead or hibernating for centuries." 

It _is_ Jake, and his heart sort of lurches up into his throat and sticks there. 

"Could be a causality thing," he says, all false-casual, and he knows Roxy can see right through it but she lets him off the hook this time and doesn't call it out. "We'll get it working again eventually, and Trollian's timeline function lets it work off that future state of things, or -- fuck. Who knows? Maybe it's just Jake _believing_ the message will get here, so here it is." 

Roxy snorts. "Fuckin' hope powers," she says. "We should get him down here and make him start _believing_ real strong-like that this asshole portalizer has power again, then." 

"Honestly, I'm almost ready to try it," Dirk says, studying his phone.

GT: Hey there chum!  
GT: Consider this a resounding double thumbs up sort of message. Which is a bit generic i know but theres too much to talk about and my damn thumbs are tired just considering typing all of it up for you so youll just have to hold your horses.   
GT: Which is hard for you i know but trust me its worth it.   


Dirk feels his lips quirk up into a sort of rueful grin, and Roxy elbows him meaningfully, but he ignores that as best he can and goes to reply instead.

TT: Really, bro? That's all I'm getting?  


"Oh yeah," Roxy says, breath hot in his ear. "Tell him he's a god damn tease." 

"I'm not saying that," Dirk replies, firmly. Roxy makes a grab for his phone, but it's not serious and Dirk easily dangles it out of her reach. 

"Weak, Dirk, really weak," she laughs. "Your flirt game is some crater-level shit." 

"Fuck off," Dirk suggests, but there's no heat in it. She drapes herself over him like a second skin, chin resting in the joint between his neck and shoulder, arms wrapped around his middle. He doesn't mind. He's coming to discover that he's kind of a clingy person, himself.

GT: Jades got all the real exciting details! I really wouldnt do it justice. She says to tell roxy to check the lab monitors though? Is roxy there? Dirk i think she can see you.   


Roxy startles against him, straightening up, and they both stalk over to the long array of mostly-dark screens in tandem. Roxy flips a few switches and three of them flicker hazily to life, horizontal lines scrolling down an empty screen. Roxy keeps flipping switches, bringing them up one by one, until -- 

"Hi!" Jade's voice, warped and tinny but unmistakably her, warbles out of the tinny speakers next to a monitor station across the lab. Roxy dashes to it, babbling excitedly. 

"Jade! Hot damn, girl! You fuckin' did it! So the lab was still there? What kind of condition is that shit in? Must be pretty damn intact if the monitors are up--" 

"Slow doooown," Jade laughs, waving from... wherever she is. The old island, supposedly. She and Jake have been gone a week and it's taken a constant supply of Dave and Roxy to keep Dirk from sending needy fucking messages every five seconds, and his fingers are already twitching to get back to his conversation because so long as _Jake_ initiates them he's allowed to reply as much as he wants. But Jade's surroundings don't look particularly island-like, which makes sense when he thinks about it because the lab and all its equipment was probably nestled safely underground. 

Roxy and Jade are chatting about preservation of technology and theorizing over whether the Empress used any of these stations for her own experiments before embracing her role as Queen of Derse, and that's all interesting and would have him spinning theories right beside them any other time, but right _now..._

TT: Looks like she can. Damn. Are you in there, right now? I don't see you on the monitor.   
GT: Oh um. No i went back outside. I dont really like it down there to be honest its a little stuffy.   
TT: Fair enough. It's a little stuffy in this one, too.   
GT: Its so nice being here again. Jade thinks its possible that at least parts of the island were preserved somehow when the floods came in and she thinks its because the fish queen was especially curious about this place.   
GT: She must have known something was up after that game sucked us all in that way huh? Left a nice crater and all. Strange to look at that actually.   
TT: Stranger to think the Empress herself was all up in there making it her own personal underwater research facility.   
GT: I think that parts stranger for jade than me. I erm never really spent much time in the lab. That was always her place and it didnt feel right...   
TT: Yeah, I get it.   
TT: You sound a little... better, by the way.   
GT: Oh?   
TT: Like, more yourself.   
GT: I feel more like myself out here honestly.   
GT: And its been nice spending time with jade too. Shes amazing you know. Just amazing. Its just the strangest thing how when im with her or john too i suppose its like... you know i dont even know how to put it into words.   


An unpleasant surge of jealousy almost has him typing something glib in response, something designed to cut while still letting him retain some plausible deniability like the coward he is, but he thinks about what Roxy would say if she were still watching and his thumbs still over his screen and he takes a deep breath. John and Jade are Jake's _family_ , for fuck's sake. Of course he's comfortable with them. Of course he prefers their company to his. Of course they know how to spend time with Jake without pushing him away or driving him up a thousand walls until he's tearing his hair out and demanding space, he just needs space, quiet, time to think without Dirk Strider's unending bullshit filling up his precious silences. 

Okay, no. 

He gets it. He does. He has something similar with Dave, maybe, only the opposite. Dave is kind of a miracle, too, like a human sponge capable of absorbing all of Dirk's worst bullshit without ever getting tired of him, without ever shutting him out or shoving him away or shuttering his expression in that way that universally means _I have had it up to fucking here with Dirk Strider and his needy fucking bullshit._ So he gets it. 

The acid feeling passes and he takes a deep breath.

TT: That's cool.   
TT: I'm glad. They're good for you.   
GT: Heh yeah. Thanks.   
GT: But enough about that.   
GT: Honestly thats a bit embarrassing so please dont go repeating that to them if you dont mind.   
TT: Wouldn't dream of it, bro.   
GT: Righto. Good. Erm...   


Their conversations always reach this point where they start feeling... stretched. Dirk can tell when it's happening just fine, the problem is, his instinct isn't to leave well enough alone. His instinct is to just keep _stretching._ Pulling more and more because who knows when the next time he'll feel up to talking will be? He has to get as much as he can right now. Right? No. 

It's hard to fight those instincts. It's taken months of Roxy's scolding and Jane's rolled eyes and Dave's casual suggestions and once Karkat had actually physically taken his phone and dropped it in a toilet, which had been effective but also extremely fucking irritating, even though now he kind of smiles when he remembers it.

TT: I'll let you go, then. You probably have, like, a shitload of exploring to do, or whatever.   
GT: Oh yeah! I definitely do. But actually i wasnt quite done yet.   
TT: Oh.   
GT: I just wanted to say that as much as im glad for this break away from the hustle and bustle of that damn can city it doesnt mean i havent been thinking about you.   


Dirk's heart claws its way back into his throat for an entirely different reason, and he's very fucking glad Roxy is still chattering away to Jade on the monitor because this feels like too much to let her in on.

TT: Cool.   


He winces. Jesus Christ.

TT: I mean, I'm glad. I, uh. I've missed you. Obviously.   
GT: Ive got a lot to talk about when were back believe me. I think well be out here at least another few days? Jades got a lot shes excited about but she doesnt like to be apart from everyone for long so i doubt itll be a lot longer than that.   
TT: Alright. Well, keep me posted.   
TT: If you want. It's uh, perfectly fine if you don't. You know where to find me.   
GT: Heh.   
GT: Is roxy still there?   
TT: Yeah, but she's not dictating this, if that's what you're wondering.   
TT: That's all me, man. Sincere as shit.   
GT: Ill write again soon. Im going to see if i can find my fucking room. I dont care if its all flooded out and empty and cracked and practically unsalvageable i swear im going to find that damn thing just watch.   
TT: Hey, I believe in you.   
GT: I cant tell if youre making fun of me or not.   
TT: I'll let you decide.   
GT: In that case ill just reply for both situations. If so please accept these dual genuine gestures you cant see but can probably easily imagine and if not thanks chum i appreciate it.   
TT: Dual gestures?   
TT: Double pistols and a wink?   
GT: Oh yes those too.   
GT: Wait no that was for --   
GT: Oh hell sure why not.   
TT: I knew you couldn't resist.   
GT: Taking advantage of my showmanship! Strider what a cad you can be.   
TT: Guilty as charged.   
GT: Well like I said.   
GT: Ill write again soon yeah?   
TT: Yeah. Good luck.   


  
Warm arms slide back around him, and he startles a bit, one shoulder bumping into Roxy's chin. "Looks like that all went real well," she says, softly.

"Yeah?" Dirk pockets his phone, ignoring the way his face heats up. 

"You've got this little smile on your face," she teases, giving his middle a little squeeze. "It's a good look on you, D-Stri." 

"I think it went all right," Dirk says, schooling his expression back to what he hopes is neutral. "He says they'll probably be out there a few more days." 

"Oh yeah, roger that. Jade's got a whole _pile_ of stuff to sort through, sounds like, and I think it'll help us out with a bunch of our little projects--" She juts her chin toward the broken trasportalizer, meaningfully. "I'm hells of looking forward to whatever shit she brings back." 

"There are probably caches like that all over the world, you know," Dirk sighs. "Just sitting out there waiting to be recovered." 

"Sounds like something out of an old video game," Roxy snickers. "The simple, benign kind you play on a fucking Nintendo, not the shitty world-ending kind that makes you 'n your friends all immortal gods of a baby universe." 

"Then I guess you'll probably be pretty good at it, huh?" His heart is thudding in his chest, though, because the thought of Roxy leaving for any reason -- alien tech recovery expedition or whatever else -- is extremely terrifying to consider. But they'll all probably move on, eventually, right? They won't all sit there in New Can Town forever. They're gods. They have work to do. 

"Eventually," she shrugs, voice uncharacteristically soft, and he wonders if she's thinking along the same lines. "Right now, I've got all I need right here." She gives his ass a playful slap. Dirk snorts. She's full of shit, but he can't deny it makes him feel better. Even when he knows perfectly well there's another, more eligible, suitable and certainly more _reciprocal_ sort of ass in town she's definitely had her eye on, a subject they've both been dancing around discussing honestly with one another. Probably because they both know he'll be a weird piece of shit about it. 

"Shut up and lift that fucker up," Dirk says, gesturing at the transportalizer. "I'm going to figure out what makes this shitty plate tick before dinner, and that's a god damn promise." He pulls his mask back down and Roxy follows suit, laughing. 

"Yes, _sir,_ " she salutes, and they fall back into an easy rhythm, working in comfortable silence save for the sound of the welding torch blazing between them. 

 

* 

 

They don't figure it out before dinner. Or even over the next few days, much to his frustration. He's almost embarrassed. He can piece together the troll tech pretty easily, at least the non-organic parts, but Skaian shit is next level ridiculous and as far as he can tell really shouldn't work at all. Maybe if the sprites had stuck around they could actually provide some fucking insight, but they'd taken off the very first day, spouting off some bullshit about letting them discover their roles for themselves for awhile, and no one had seen hide or obnoxiously flashing hair of any of them since. He's stewing over it even while Jane serves them up some kind of soup-like dish with a side of thick, crusty bread -- which is normal as fuck for most of them, but fresh bread is still damn fucking novel for Dirk, and he kind of prods it suspiciously while Jane laughs at him with her eyes. 

"It won't bite," she informs him, sweeping past with the basket, bumping him purposely with her hip as she goes. 

"It's just the texture," he says, maybe a little defensively. 

"Oh god, don't you start whining about the food, too," Dave says across the table, and Karkat grumbles something unintelligible next to him, leaving little ambiguity as to who _else_ has apparently been complaining. Not that Dirk is complaining. He isn't. "Jane works too hard for this shit, and it's god damn delicious, too, have a little respect." 

"Why, _thank_ you, Dave," Jane beams at him. She sets an extra roll down by his bowl and pats his shoulder as she moves around the table. 

"You're really going to encourage him that way?" Rose says, one eyebrow quirked up, lips pursed in amused disapproval. They're all generally still pathetic and clingy enough to do the group meal thing, most nights, but having everyone together like this only underscores for Dirk who all is _missing_ , still. Jake still hasn't written to him again, and he's nearly had to flush his fucking phone down a toilet himself to keep from sending him wounded inquiries, like, _hey bro, so, you said you'd write soon, but obviously our definitions of soon are pretty fucking different? What's up with that?_

He shakes his head. Jade is with Jake and John and Roxy are gone, too, and Dirk doesn't let himself think about that too hard because if he does that'll make him weirdly fucking jealous, too. Which is fucking stupid, it's so fucking _stupid._ What right does he have to be jealous of _John?_ Roxy deserves someone who wants her the way she obviously wants them. 

Right -- no, not thinking about it. 

"What can I say," Jane is saying, brightly, "I'm a sucker for compliments, I guess!" She plunks down between her dad and an extremely curious looking Calliope on the far side of the table and shrugs. The elder Crocker leans down and says something to her, and whatever it is makes her flush happily and she nods, toying with her spoon. Calliope sniffs at her bowl and makes a face Dirk hopes Jane doesn't see. The girl only seems to like candy? He isn't fully up to speed with cherub lore, but he knows she's lavished sonnets worth of deserved praise over Jane's cupcakes. But maybe not so much the savory stuff. 

In any case, he has to admit, they're cute. 

Unfortunately, Jane's dad is also an uncomfortable reminder of his own status as the technical, ectobiological father of two of the people present, a role which he feels neither prepared for nor worthy of, for all that it matters. 

"Rose is just upset because I never compliment her like that," Dave says. "She's a naturally jealous person, obviously." 

"That's extremely rich, coming from you," Rose says. 

" _Miss_ Crocker," Terezi interrupts them, holding up her already empty bowl, "May I please be the first to announce how _ridiculously_ scrumptious your green-and-brown earth soup abomination is. Really." She makes a show of noisily licking the bowl clean and sets it in front of her with a sigh. "Now if you'll excuse me." 

"Wait, hold up," Dave says, brow wrinkling. "Are you trying to butter her up for seconds or not?" 

"Dave, please, not all of us expect something in return for our heartfelt compliments," Terezi scolds him with a razor-toothed grin. 

"Oh, sure! Compliments that would be a lot more convincing if there wasn't a fucking earth-soup-abomination puddle steaming under your chair, right now," Karkat says, and it's kind of cute the way he immediately jumps to Dave's defense even when he doesn't exactly deserve it. Dirk can't help but smirk a little at the unfolding drama, stirring his own soup sort of absently without eating. Their dinners are all like this, full of weird theatrics. It isn't dinner until someone walks away with more food in their hair than in their stomachs, a point Terezi makes almost poetically well by choosing that moment to casually pick up Karkat's bowl and dump it over his head. 

"Oh, oops!" Terezi says, while Karkat sputters and Dave slides over out of the splash range, "Looks like there's a puddle under yours now, too, smartass!" 

"God fucking dammit, Terezi, that shit is _hot--_ " 

"You should be thanking me, really, because now I've spared you the indignity of having to choke it down!" Terezi turns to Jane, quirks a a slightly manic sort of apologetic grin. "No offense intended toward the _lovely_ chef." 

"Is it really that bad?" Jane squeaks, eyes wide. 

"It's not _that_ bad!" Calliope assures her, looking around the table, expression vaguely alarmed. She's an awful liar, to be perfectly honest. 

"It's absolutely fine," Rose assures her, before any other aliens can make the situation worse. "Troll palates are simply..." 

"Different," Kanaya supplies, sipping daintily from her own spoon. "Some of us have put in more work adapting than others," she continues, leveling Terezi with a meaningful look. 

"Whatever," Terezi says. "Not all of us had -- _Some_ of us never --" She growls, tossing Karkat's bowl back onto the table. " _Humans!_ " She says, throwing her hands up in the air. "So prickly." She turns on a heel and stalks out. 

Karkat stands up, staring after her. There are still bits of soup stuck in his hair, and it looks like he used his own sweater to mop up his face. "Uh," he says. 

"Just let her go, dude," Dave says. "You know she isn't going to want to talk about it." 

Karkat looks like he's considering it for a second, but then shakes his head, frowning. "I can't," he sighs. He looks at Jane. "Sorry. She's still..." he makes a vague gesture.

"Fucked up," Dave says, flatly. "I know." 

"I'm just going to..." Karkat waves, awkwardly, and hurries out. Dave blinks after him, chin rested on one hand, posture all faux-casual in a way that reminds Dirk of, well, himself. Which is appropriate, probably. 

He isn't smirking anymore. That was a little much, even for them. Silence settles down over the table, thick and awkward. Dirk wishes yet again that Roxy was here, because she'd know how to break this shitty atmosphere wide open. She'd flip out some remark or another and they'd all laugh and everything would be _fine,_ but Roxy is off with her new boyfriend and no one can save them now. 

His phone buzzes, and at almost the exact same time, Dave's does, too. They blink, meet each other's eyes across the table. Everyone stares. 

"Well," Rose says into the expectant silence, quirking an eyebrow, "Don't keep us in suspense."

GT: You there strider?   
GT: Were back!  
GT: Well mostly back.   


"It's Jake," he says, because Rose is pinning him expectantly with her gaze. She nods. 

"Jade over here," Dave says. 

"Any news?" 

Dirk tunes them out -- though not before thinking with a surge of the usual _strangeness_ that Dave and Rose are siblings, and his -- well. He shuts that out, too.

TT: I'm here. You're just in time for dinner. Though, you might want to skip it this time.  
TT: Kinda awkward over here tonight, to be honest.   
GT: Shit.   
GT: Whats going on?   
TT: Never mind, it doesn't matter. I can meet you somewhere. Where are you, exactly?  
GT: Well be getting into town in just a bit here. I can meet you at my place? Ive got something to show you!  
TT: You do?  
TT: Alright. Your place. Sounds good.   


Dirk stands up, interrupting whatever conversation had been going on without him. Dave shoots him a questioning look. 

"Sorry to leave early," Dirk coughs, awkwardly. "But Jake wants me to meet him across town, so... uh, yeah. I'm going to do that." 

"Cool," Dave says. "Have fun." 

"Sure! Do what you want," Jane says, evenly, and Dirk doesn't really have the time to argue, even though there is something deeply hurt in Jane's tone and expression and he knows he should really stay and work that out, maybe.

"The soup was fine, Jane," he hedges, and she waves him away. 

"I'm not worried about the _soup,_ " she says. She takes a breath. "It's just -- Wow, okay, they're back! Wonderful! I've missed them! And Jake messages _you_ and Jade messages _him_ and sometimes I just --" Her face kind of crumples, and her dad has his arm around her shoulder, now, and he's waving Dirk off the way someone might wave a fly or some other pest off, so Dirk just goes without argument. 

But he kind of feels like a piece of shit. 

 

* 

 

Jake's place is kind of on the outskirts of town, as far from New Can Town as you can be while still technically being part of it, and Jake is waiting there for him outside, arms crossed, hands tucked into his armpits. His face lights up when he sees Dirk approaching, and _that_ makes him feel a little better, of course it does. Jake being happy to see him is pretty much the panacea to everything that could possibly be wrong with him, which is pathetic, but no less true because of it. 

"Hey," Dirk says, feet actually lifting a little off the ground, float-skipping over to close the distance between them. Jake waves him in, grinning. It's getting dark, but the moon overhead is Roxy's moon and it's bright as fuck, enough to make nightfall almost meaningless.

"Dirk!" Jake is practically quivering; something has him excited, and as flattering as it would be Dirk is pretty sure that he's not the whole reason for it. "I have something to show you!" He kind of gestures vaguely out toward the forest. 

"So I heard. Out there?" Dirk raises an eyebrow. 

" _Yes_ , out there, are you coming or not?" 

"Of course I'm coming, god damn. Lead the way, English." 

Jake nods, and then he takes off in an honest-to-god blur, streaking toward the tree line. Dirk has to fly to keep up, and it feels supremely fucking weird doing that in normal clothes without bits and pieces of ostentatious fluttering costume trailing behind him, but like hell if he's going to be left behind. They're weaving through the trees, following a narrow, muddy little footpath, and the light and sound of New Can Town fades behind them and leaves them in the almost too-silent crush of vegetation with nothing but the sound of the wind whistling past his ears. Roxy and Jade have been working on repopulating earth's land creatures, but it's complicated ectobiology and therefore pretty slow going. 

They come up on this little clearing, some ways in, and there's this smooth white orb-like structure sitting in the middle of it, and Jake holds out his arms and makes this over the top presenting gesture, like he's unveiling something mind-blowingly incredible. It takes Dirk just long enough to realize what the fuck he's staring at that Jake's face kind of falls, disappointed that Dirk isn't sharing his excitement. 

But then it hits him, and he laughs. Jake's features all scrunch up with confusion. 

"What the fuck is so funny!" He demands, crossing his arms again. "This isn't funny! This is amazing!" 

"It's your room, right?" Dirk hovers around it, considering it from every angle. "How the fuck do you get in?" 

"From below," Jake says, waving him over. "There's a staircase, but -- um, I wouldn't go in, just yet, it's kind of a real shitting mess in there right now --" 

"Couldn't salvage anything, huh?" 

"Well, no. It was actually in much worse shape than this, but Jade helped me clean it up a bit, and then she shrunk it down so we could bring it back, and -- well here it is!" 

"So, what, are you moving?" 

"I was sort of thinking about it, yeah," Jake says, softly. "I think I'd probably be happier out here. I was thinking about moving to the island, actually, but Jade talked me down from _that_ , at least for now..." He trails off, possibly because of the increasingly distressed expression Dirk is sure he must be wearing. His heart thuds painfully in his chest. He swallows. 

"You... wanted to just leave us, like that?" He doesn't mean for it to come out accusatory, but it still kind of does, and he immediately regrets it. Jake's face shutters down. He stares at the ground. 

"I thought about what you said about me sounding better," Jake hurries to explain. "I thought you were probably right. I felt a lot better being out away from... everything, for awhile. I hashed it out with Jade -- it was so nice, Dirk, we made a little campfire and roasted up some of those sausages she likes and just talked all night, and it wasn't ... it was..." He trails off, and Dirk notes the way his adam's apple bobs when he swallows, like he feels guilty for being able to be so comfortable with someone that isn't him. 

Which makes him feel vindictively better because his jealousy is back, greener than ever. 

"Well," Dirk says, voice a little thick. "You have to do what you have to do." 

Jake looks up, frowns. "We thought this would be a good compromise. It's not that I don't like Can Town! I do! It's great! I just..." he gestures, nebulously. 

"Don't want to live there," Dirk says. He doesn't voice the tail end of his thought: _With us._ Jake nods. 

"Exactly!" 

"Well, all right, then." 

It's actually not even that unreasonable. It makes perfect sense. But all Dirk can think is _this is how it starts_ , and a parade of images is going through his head of people leaving. Jade and Jake off mapping out the continents of New Earth together, maybe searching for the missing sprites the way Jade always says she eventually will if they don't come back soon. Roxy and John taking off to find all the hidden alien laboratories the Empress left behind. Dave and Karkat, Rose and Kanaya, at some point they're going to want to go and hatch that troll orb of theirs, get started on the continuation of the troll species, and Dirk can't imagine he has any role to play in _that._ Terezi will finally take off searching for her missing girlfriend -- or whatever the fuck, he's still not clear on the details, there -- because everyone knows she won't be satisfied until she either finds her or her corpse so she can be _sure,_ and Jane ... whatever Jane decides to do, she'll at least always have her father. But Dirk? What the fuck is he supposed to do? Stay behind with the voiceless little chess people, isolated from everyone he cares about by distance yet _again_ , maybe build some more fucking robots for company out of salvaged drone parts?

Christ. Okay.

Calm the fuck down, Strider. 

"Hey," he says, pretend-casual. His voice sounds a little strained. Oh well. 

"I didn't mean for this to be _bad_ news," Jake says. 

"I know." 

"I was hoping you might be a little happy for me, actually," he says, and now there's an annoyed little glint in his eye. Dirk nods. 

"I am." 

" _Are_ you?" 

"I mean, as long as I can still visit now and then, this isn't that far out. It's cool." 

Jake seems to relax, a bit, some of the tension draining out of his posture. "Right, exactly. Of course you can still visit. Erm, once I've cleaned the place up! I'd actually, uh, like that a lot." He's staring at the ground, again. "It's not that I don't get lonely," he says, quieter. He fidgets a little in place. "I figure this will work really well until you and Roxy can get those transportalizers working, and then maybe if we put one of _those_ on the island, it won't be such a far-fetched thing, and..." 

Suddenly Dirk finds himself never wanting to work on the god damned transportalizer project ever again. Which isn't fair, but there it is. The thought that he might play an integral role in bringing about the perfect set of circumstances to allow Jake to put thousands of miles of voluntary distance between them makes him feel a little bit like throwing up. 

"What's the deal with you and that fucking island?" He says, and it comes out harsh and accusatory and dripping with hurt, and he regrets the words the second they're out there, hanging between them. 

But Jake just shrugs. 

"It's home," he says. 

"And home for me is an apartment building that doesn't exist anymore, but you don't see me flying off a couple thousand miles to the southwest to try and rebuild the damn thing!" Dirk runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "Home shouldn't just be a _place_ , Jake, home should be about, I don't know, people? Shouldn't it?" 

"Why can't it be _both?_ " Jake sounds a little defensive, now. "With a working transportalizer, it'd be the place _and_ the people, whenever you wanted to visit, and I'd be able to stop by too. It's not like I'm talking about wandering off and never seeing any of you again! That's not what I want. I just want some time somewhere _familiar_ , Dirk, familiar and quiet and somewhere I don't have to be on pins and needles all the damn time!" 

And that's the worst part, really. What he's saying is perfectly fucking reasonable. It just hurts. What he's saying is _I need to spend time somewhere where I feel like myself,_ but all Dirk can hear is _I need to be somewhere far away from you crazy people._ It's not Jake's fault that Dirk can only assume the worst. 

"All right," Dirk says, and despite all his efforts it still comes out a little petulant. he holds up his hands, palms out. "But I wouldn't hold your breath for it anytime soon. Roxy and I have been at that thing for weeks with no progress." 

"Jade will help, too," Jake says, and he says it like it means their problems are all but over. Dirk's mood is bad enough that Jake's faith in her is irritating. Of course he trusts her ability over his and Roxy's. Why not. 

He's suddenly just -- tired. Really fucking tired. He stifles a sigh. 

"Right. Cool. Is that all, then? I'm glad you found what you were looking for. If that's all, I think I'm going to head back into town." 

Jake peers at him, suspiciously. "I really didn't mean for any of this to upset you, Dirk--" 

"I'm not upset!" 

A beat of silence. Fuck, it's so _quiet_ in here. It's maddening. 

"Okay," Jake says, folding his arms. 

"Look, we'll just -- we'll talk later, okay?" 

"Okay," Jake says again, expression unchanging. 

Dirk nods, once, and then he's going, streaking back along the muddy path through the trees. He knows without looking back that Jake isn't following. 

 

* 

 

He isn't sure what time it is when he finally wanders home, but it's late enough that most of New Can Town has gone dark, and Roxy's neon-coated moon has danced its way across a good portion of the sky. Dirk wonders if that's where she and John are, right now. He thought about messaging her a few times, but like hell if he's going to ruin her date with his completely unfounded emotional panic. He lets himself in and stops in the entryway, because the lights might be off but there's still a faint glow coming from a shitty alchemized television set propped up on a haphazard pile of sheet metal in the corner. 

"Can't sleep, either, huh?" Dirk rounds the edge of the sofa that separates the entryway from what passes for their living space, and Karkat looks up at him with eyes that reflect the light from the TV like one of Roxy's ectobirthed meowcats. 

"Shh," Karkat hisses at him, raising one finger over his lips, eyebrows pulled down into a little warning glare, and now Dirk can see why. Dave is curled up on the couch, his head resting in Karkat's lap, and fondness and jealousy both ram themselves together in Dirk's brain and he just kind of stands there, vaguely miserable. Karkat must see something in his expression, because _his_ expression immediately softens a bit and he gestures at the chair they have next to the sofa like he's inviting him to sit after all. He probably shouldn't. Dave wouldn't want him barging in on this, asleep or no. 

He does anyway. 

They don't talk right away. Karkat has some movie or another on; Dirk doesn't recognize it. Karkat drums his fingers against the arm of the couch, flickering his eyes from the screen, to Dave's sleeping form, to Dirk's face, and back again in rapid succession. Like he can't decide what he wants to focus on most. Finally, he heaves a sigh and presses a button on the remote and the movie pauses. 

"So," he says. "How is Jake." 

"Great," Dirk says. It comes out even, emotionless. Good. 

Karkat blinks at him, slowly. His brows pull down, but he doesn't say anything. 

"How's Terezi," Dirk says, finally, because he gets the distinct unsettling feeling that Karkat is picking him apart with his unnerving animal eyes and words help to distract him from it. Karkat sighs. His fingers start drumming, again. 

" _Not_ great," he says, mocking Dirk's earlier response. "She's upset. She's lonely. She refuses to admit either of those things! She doesn't want to talk about what's bothering her and I'm extremely fucking worried about her. And now that I have very _helpfully_ provided a fantastic and emulation-worthy example of how to respond honestly and purposefully to that sort of question, let me ask you again: How's _Jake?_ " 

Dirk settles back in the chair, chewing on that. Fair enough. 

"He's moving out of Can Town," he says. Karkat's brows go up. 

"Seriously? How? I mean, where?" 

"Not far," Dirk shrugs. "Just out into the trees, a little. Salvaged his old room on his island adventure, there. It's sitting in a little clearing like, a few miles in. At most." 

"Huh. Well, good for him," Karkat says, and Dirk turns his head sharply to stare. He can't help but feel a little betrayed. Karkat meets his eyes like he's daring him to argue. 

"I sort of hate it?" Dirk says. 

"Did you tell him that?" 

"Fuck, no, I'm not an idiot." He pauses. "I might have, uh, heavily implied it, though." 

Karkat snorts. "Of course you did." 

"What was I supposed to do? Pretend to be happy for him? He would have seen right through it, anyway." 

"Right, what a clusterfuck _that_ would have been. Seeing you try to put his feelings first, shit, we can't have that." 

"I've been _trying_ , all right? I honestly have been!" Dirk feels his face heat up; he's a little angry, now. "I didn't bother him once while he was gone. Not fucking once. He messaged _me_ one time! For like, five fucking minutes! And I still didn't -- do you know how hard that was? And then he comes back and it's like congratulations, all your hard work not being a desperate, clingy piece of shit has somehow resulted in Jake deciding to fuck off further away from you, permanently, regardless! It fucking sucks, all right? Am I allowed to just think it kind of fucking really _sucks_?" 

Dave shifts a little in Karkat's lap, mumbling in his sleep. Karkat puts a hand on his shoulder, all gentle and soothing, and Dirk's chest suddenly feels really uncomfortably tight, like it's suddenly hard to breathe. Fuck. Would Jake ever do that for him? He doesn't know. His shitty mood and overall pessimistic outlook on life for the moment are telling him _hell no, and fuck you for wanting it so bad, too._

"Sure," Karkat says, and it takes Dirk a minute to remember what he's responding to. "Of course you are. I said _put his feelings first,_ not _stop having feelings, yourself._ That would be stupid." 

"What would you do if it was Dave, then?" Dirk _knows_ the situation is different, one hundred percent fucking different and probably not at all transferable this way, but he can't help but ask. He flings the question like an accusation, really. "If Dave suddenly decided being around you was exhausting and he needed to leave Can Town completely and, I don't know, implied that he values some idealistic memory of a place he called home more than your actual company?" 

"Slow the fuck down," Karkat grumbles. "I can't answer all that shit at once." 

"Fine. Start with the first one, then. He suddenly finds you exhausting to be around. Go." 

Weirdly, Karkat is kind of smiling, like he knows some kind of secret and is about to win this argument-but-not-really out of hand. He shrugs. "You say that like you're not even expecting me to know what to do with the concept! Like the idea alone is so _devastating_ I probably can't even handle considering it too hard." 

"Well?" 

" _Well_ , Strider, the truth is it's happened before. And I'll tell you what I did: I left him the fuck alone!" 

"You are so full of shit right now," Dirk says. 

"I'll be the first to tell you I'm Paradox Space's biggest bag of shit, sure, but I'm not shitting you about _this._ I can see you doing that, you know. Every time you look at -- us," he kind of stumbles over that, and Dirk can see his cheeks darken even in the half-light from the TV. It's endearing how flustered he gets, talking about him and Dave. "I can see you comparing yourself and your relationship and it's fucking bullshit, all right? Knock that the fuck off! It's not comparable." 

"Wow," Dirk says, because he isn't sure what else to say. "Kind of presumptuous, there." 

"Shut the fuck up," Karkat says, in the same sort of casual way one might say _could you pass the pepper please_ at dinner. "I just mean, even the fact you would ask me that question in that way tells me that you don't realize that Dave and I weren't always... uh. Well. Let's just say, it wasn't always like this." He looks down. Dirk's heart squeezes a little at his expression. 

"All right, so tell me. When did he tell you he found your general presence too much to deal with? Tell me about Dave shutting you out and you just letting him do that, no questions asked." 

Karkat kind of leans back into the cushions, eyes shuttering. He snorts again, mutters something under his breath. "I bet you didn't know that Dave and I were friends for half a fucking sweep -- that's an entire earth year -- before he ever let me touch him." 

Dirk makes a surprised sort of sound, flushing unexpectedly. "Uh. That's -- I don't need those kind of details, bro," he says, quickly. 

"Shut up! I don't mean like _that,_ " Karkat snaps. "Jesus Christ. No, I mean, like, _at all._ He never wanted to be touched. Like, if we were walking somewhere together, he'd jump away like I fucking burned him if our shoulders so much as accidentally bumped together." 

That seems utterly fucking crazy, as far as Dirk is concerned, because the Dave he knows isn't exactly shy about that sort of thing. He's constantly touching people, really. Fist bumps, hug bumps, regular old hugs, high fives, horsing around with his friends and frankly outright grab-assing with Karkat -- it's hard to imagine him otherwise. And doing so kind of fucks him up, actually, because he's not a fucking idiot and can easily trace back cause and effect, and the cause of whatever weirdness Dave suffered through growing up was... well, Dirk. A version of him, at least. He swallows. Yeah. That's never a fun train of thought to travel down. 

"That's... hard to imagine," he says, finally, condensing his thoughts for easy digestion. Karkat nods. 

"It is _now,_ maybe. But back then he was like a completely fucking different person! And there was more than one time where I thought I'd ruined things for good, I'd freaked him out with my inability to stop climbing right over his fucking boundaries because I'm a clingy, desperate piece of shit, just like you, and..." Karkat trails off, shrugs. "When he would do that, pull away and hide in his room and not come out for days, I just... let him, usually. Because the thing about it was, he always came back." 

Dirk feels something unpleasant squirming inside him, making his stomach do sudden backflips. Maybe this is what he's really afraid of. That Jake won't. 

"And maybe it's not the same," Karkat says, when Dirk makes no move to respond. "I mean, Dave was dealing with his own issues, and I don't think they're exactly or maybe even anything like Jake's, not really. But I _do_ think that if you just fucking back off a little and let him have the time and space he wants to think, if he really does want you back, he'll always come back, too." 

"I'm not sure he will," Dirk admits, and there it is. 

"I wasn't sure _he_ would, either, sometimes." Karkat drops his eyes back down to Dave. "I _really_ wasn't... fuck, sometimes I was so fucking sure he _wouldn't._ So fucking sure he'd never talk to me again! And it was hard, and I thought all kinds of shitty things about myself, and I felt like sometimes it would be better to just fling myself off the meteor entirely than spend one more awful fucking second _not knowing,_ but I survived, didn't I? And here we are." 

"I really don't think Jake and I will ever be like the two of you," Dirk says, and he hates how miserable he sounds as he says it. 

"You don't have to fucking _be like_ anyone else," Karkat scolds him. "Stop comparing yourself, _your_ relationship, to -- Dave and I have had almost two entire sweeps! And we're not you!" 

Dave mumbles something, again, and his head sort of lifts up and his eyes flicker open, blinking warily into the half-light. "Karkat?" He says. He sounds worried. "The fuck is..." whatever he's saying dissolves into mumbling, again.

"Sorry," Karkat says, and Dirk can tell he's blushing again. "I'm actually fucking incapable of having a quiet conversation," he says, ruefully. Dave sits up, yawning. 

"No shit," he says, and then he notices Dirk. "Hey," he says, maybe a little too casually. 

"Hey," Dirk replies. "Sorry for waking you up." 

"You're not the one who can't control his fucking volume," Dave grins, elbowing Karkat playfully in the ribs. Karkat shoves him over, leveling the most insincere glare Dirk has ever seen. Dave falls over so that his head smacks the armrest on the other side of the sofa, and props his feet up into Karkat's lap, instead. "So, what are we talking about?" He yawns again. "Is it about Jane's total fucking meltdown at dinner, or Terezi's? Because, holy shit. Awkward." 

"We were talking about you, actually," Dirk says, and Karkat shoots him a panicked look, shaking his head. Dave lifts his head up, face scrunching up in something like distaste. 

"Seriously?" 

" _No_ ," Karkat says. 

"So, yes, then." 

"God damn it," Karkat slaps his hands over his face, still shaking his head. "I'm fucking done. That's it. I'm going to bed. Move your goddamn feet." 

"No," Dave says, cheerfully. Karkat growls. "So, what about me?" 

"Nothing!" 

"Just, you know," Dirk supplies, helpfully. "How cool you are, and such." 

"Oh, yeah. So cool." 

"No! No, dammit, fucking -- God." 

"I'm roughly as cool as this asshole isn't, right now," Dave says, nudging Karkat in the ribs with his toes. 

"We were talking about _Jake_ , god damn it. And how your fucking brother-father-whatever needs to chill the fuck out in regards to every actual thing to do with him! All right? That's all." 

"It's pretty funny hearing you tell someone else they need to chill," Dave points out. 

"Fuck you," Karkat replies. 

"Oh, yeah," Dirk says. He can't help it. "This is the sort of marital bliss anyone would kill for, no doubt." 

"Jade said Jake wanted to move to the island," Dave says, and his tone is so fucking conversational it takes a minute for it to sink in. God damn. He really knows how to go for the fucking jugular, when he wants to. "I was wondering how you were going to react to that." 

"Not well," Dirk snaps, a little sullen. Damn. Jade is just going to go around telling everyone, then? "Obviously." 

"Yeah," Dave agrees, brows raised. Karkat groans. 

"Just fucking _trust him,_ okay?" He turns pleading eyes on him, all wide and weirdly sincere, and Dirk realizes he's nodding though nothing in him really wants to agree. "If he wants to be with you, he'll reach out. All you have to do is be there for him when he does! Okay? Can we just try that, for awhile?" 

"Oh, shit," Dave says. "Look at you, all dispensing advice like you're manning a booth for it. You should start charging for this shit." 

"Someone _please_ fucking deliver me from Striders and their fucking bullshit!" 

"Sorry, bro," Dirk says, trying his best to sound apologetic and not really succeeding. "But you're the one who chose to move into a can full of us."

"Yet another stunning fucking decision courtesy of past me, done no doubt to maximize current me's suffering with surgical fucking precision to the greatest possible fucking magnitude!" Clearly this has some deeper meaning for Dave, because he laughs like it's the funniest thing he's heard in days. 

They're cute. It's a strange feeling, to love someone so much and also feel so fucking jealous of them he sort of wants to die. But, hey. There it is. 

* 

Days pass. 

He spends them with Roxy in the lab, carefully not talking about her increasingly frequent dates with John, sometimes joined by Jade -- which is a relief when it happens, because Jade and Roxy can fill up the silences together so effectively that his brooding doesn't really register. 

He spends them with Dave and Karkat in the living room, chatting about nothing, watching the easy affection they conduct themselves with together and drowning in his own jealous bullshit. He spends them with Rose and Kanaya, lets them fuss over his hair and his clothes and the bags under his eyes, argues the merits of the SBAHJ movies with Rose, who seems incapable of grasping their genius, and poses patiently still while Kanaya fits him for a new set of shirts and occasionally jabs him "accidentally" with a tailoring pin when his debating with Rose gets too heated. 

Sometimes he spends them with Jane, sitting outside on a metal railing in the dark and deciding the constellations of their new world, arguing about whether they should be represented among them or not. Dirk would rather not; it makes their cosmic responsibility feel too fucking real. Jane is just enamored with the idea of perfect, idealized versions of them preserved among the stars. Dirk doesn't argue too hard because as much as he disagrees, the dreamy little smile on her face at the idea is worth sacrificing some of his own comfort. 

He doesn't spend them with Jake, because he's trying really fucking hard to take Karkat's advice, and Jake isn't fucking messaging him. 

Until eventually, he does. 

Dirk doesn't even think about it when his phone buzzes, checking it automatically and expecting Roxy or Dave. So when it's Jake, he actually fucking freezes for a second in disbelief. 

Fuck, he thinks. All right.

GT: Strider?   
GT: Can we talk?   


Okay.

TT: Sure.   
GT: Oh good.   
GT: Shit its a relief to see you respond! I thought for sure you wouldnt bother.   


He stares down at his phone, kind of incredulous. Seriously? Jake was worried _he_ wouldn't respond to _him?_

TT: Seriously?  
TT: Come on. You know me, bro. Talking is sort of my thing.   
GT: Right. Well.   
GT: I want to talk about what happened the other night. How that conversation went and mostly how it ended because in my mind it wasnt really very ideal?   
TT: Yeah, no. I kind of overreacted big time. So, sorry about that.   
GT: Oh.   
GT: Well youre just full of surprises today.   
TT: Sorry?   
GT: Its not a bad thing. I just was sort of rehearsing this conversation in my head constantly the past three days and youve sort of derailed it from moment one! And now im not quite sure what to say.   
TT: ...Did you have anything else to say about it?   
TT: Shit, that sounded sarcastic. It wasn't.   
TT: I'd genuinely like to know your thoughts, whatever they are.   
GT: Lets try this then.   
GT: Im worried that when i say certain things you think that what im really saying is that youre not important to me?   
GT: Or that you think all the issues im realizing i have with people in general are issues with you specifically.   
GT: And i just wanted to assure you that its not true.   
GT: I care about you a lot still. And maybe thats not appropriate to say given all the things going on between us lately but its how i feel and frankly im tired of dancing around it all the damn time!   
GT: Its hard to reassure you that when i say i want to live away from the big loud rip roaring can city life it doesnt mean i dont want to spend time with you without *also* telling you that ive *missed* spending time with you!  
GT: And if i say that i also have to explain that its because i still care a whole frigging lot!  
GT: And i know were supposed to be taking things slow but my whole life isnt slowing down along with it! And i need to do whats best for me while were still figuring things out.   
GT: Because let me tell you dirk living in that city was driving me batshit up the fucking belfry and thats the honest truth.   
GT: Does that make sense?   


Dirk blinks down at his phone, trying not to let on that he's about to straight up collapse with sheer relief. Which is stupid because no one is even watching, right now. He looks around for a bench, flops down on the nearest.

TT: Yeah. It makes sense.   
GT: Really? Does it really because this is important.   
TT: It does. I get it.   
GT: So...   
GT: Um.   
GT: What do you think about that then.   
TT: What do I think?   
TT: I'm... relieved, I guess? Really relieved.   
GT: Hm.   
TT: I think it's pretty fucking obvious that I still care, too.   
TT: It's just,  
TT: It's strange not hearing from you for three days and then suddenly getting this?   
GT: I know.   
GT: I wanted to say something earlier i just... christ dirk you know how i am.   
GT: Im not the bravest soul in the universe when it comes to this sort of thing.   
GT: I thought youd probably message me soon enough.   
GT: And then you didnt and i figured i probably duffed things up worse than i thought. And id already thought it was fairly bad so that wasnt the best realization to stumble into.   
TT: It wasn't that. I just thought it would be better to let you decide when to open the conversation again.   
TT: Instead of hounding you and possibly making you more uncomfortable.   
GT: Well. If thats the case then i have to apologize for taking so long.   
GT: Im trying to be better at that i swear.   
TT: Yeah. I mean, I get it. I'm trying to be better, too.   
GT: I have to ask...   
GT: Do you think a few months is slow enough?   
TT: Between us, you mean?   
GT: Yes indeed.   
GT: Im fairly fucking tired of this weird in between stage when it feels sort of inevitable in a way that well get together again?   
GT: Sweet kicking christ i hope thats not too presumptuous a thing to say.   
GT: But if we both still care so much and were both thinking of each other all the frigging time and we both want to give it another go then why dont we?   
TT: Because,   
TT: Well. The idea was to take some time off to let some time and distance smooth over all the shit we did wrong, last time.   
TT: If you think a few months is long enough, I'm willing to try.   
TT: But I have to add a disclaimer here, even though it's probably fucking obvious: I'm not saying that necessarily because I think it's the best idea objectively. I just, really fucking miss you. All the time.   
TT: And am kind of fucking desperate to feel like we didn't ruin everything completely last time and there's a chance we can actually be good for each other.   
TT: So, yeah.   
TT: Sorry. I got kind of carried away there.   
GT: Its fine. I feel mostly the same?   
TT: I will say I feel like I've got some kind of bullshit emotional whiplash, right now. Like, the last few days have been pretty not great. And now there's this. So, yeah. Just putting that out there.   
GT: How about this.   
GT: Lets just bite the bullet and arrange an honest to god date. How about that.   
GT: And if were feeling okay at the end of it we can make things official again.  
GT: And if were not we can not.   
GT: How about that.   
TT: If you're asking me out, you know damn well I'm not about to say no.   
GT: Alright then i am!  
GT: Im officially asking you!  
GT: Dirk Strider, will you accompany me this evening at my personal little forest hideaway for a night of movies and maybe snacks if i can get this fucking microwave to function for more than four friggin seconds at a time?   


He can't help it; he laughs. He feels lighter than he has in weeks. Months, probably. God damn. Jake English.

TT: I'd be delighted.   
TT: Also, I can probably fix the microwave for you, idiot. That's also sort of my thing.   
GT: Oh good.   
GT: Its been driving me completely bananas i swear to christ.   
GT: You cant have movies without popcorn or so ive learned. It just isnt done.   
TT: You're damn right.   
GT: So ill see you later?   
TT: This is a little pathetic to admit,   
TT: But I'm already counting down the hours until sundown.   
GT: Hah.   
GT: Well me too.   
GT: See you soon.   


It takes all of his effort not to reply again, but he can feel the conversation _stretching_ , so he forces himself to pocket his phone and takes a deep breath and just kind of sits there for awhile, grinning. 

Then he takes out his phone and sends another message, but to a completely different person.

TT: So, guess who has a date, tonight?   
CG: HA. DID HE MESSAGE YOU?   
TT: Just now.   
CG: I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.   
TT: Right.   
TT: Try not to pull something preening over there.   
CG: ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO TRY NOT TO PULL SOMETHING STRESSING OUT OVER TONIGHT.   
TT: God.   
TT: Too late. But it's worth it.   
CG: YEAH, I KNOW THAT FEELING.   
CG: SO, UH. GOOD LUCK.   
TT: Thanks.   
TT: For like,   
TT: Yeah. Thanks.   
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME, BUT ALSO, FUCK OFF.   


  
He smiles. Fair enough. 

 

* 

 

It occurs to him, while he's standing nervously outside Jake's door, which is really more like a fucking trapdoor at the bottom of his weird little orb but whatever, that if he's plastered the walls with naked blue women again he is going to pitch a fucking fit. 

He forgets about this worry temporarily when Jake pulls open the door, grinning, and invites him up, temporarily dazzled by the sight of his unfairly handsome fucking face. It's different tonight than it was, before. This is more like... how it was at the beginning. The _actual_ beginning, when they first met face to face and looking directly at him had been sort of like staring directly into the sun. Before the stress of dealing with their session and the crushing weight of their own fucking bullshit had shouldered in and ruined everything. 

They aren't really dressed up -- it's just a night of movies, and neither of them has any truly "nice" outfits anyway, as much as Kanaya's tried to remedy the situation. Still, it's clear that Jake's put some effort in, and Dirk isn't about to admit to anyone how much time he spent on his hair alone. He clears his throat while he climbs the stairs. It's hard not to view this like some kind of weird scholastic final exam situation. Pass and you can have your boyfriend back. Fail, and ... 

He pushes that away. 

"Nice place," he says instead, because he knows Jake is fond of it, maybe even proud of it, and he's only ever seen it through viewports and it was never this presentable. 

There aren't any naked blue women. The whole place is kind of sparse, actually, but he figures Jake will probably fill it in with more time. He breathes a sigh of relief. 

"Thanks," Jake grins. "I still can't believe we got the smell out. I thought for awhile we never would and I'd just be living in a mildewy little shithole forever." 

It's kind of funny that the thought of _not_ living there doesn't even cross his mind, but Dirk doesn't say that. He'd take it the absolute wrong way and that's the last way he wants to start this off. And, actually, something still does smell a little... off, but he's not about to say that out loud, either. 

"Not to be unromantic or anything," Dirk says, "But I heard there was a microwave that needed fixing?" 

"Did you actually bring your own tools? Is that what you've got in that bag?" 

Dirk slings his backpack off and rummages through, plucking out a screwdriver. He waves it toward Jake. "Can't work without my tools, bro." 

Jake pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales, shaking his head. Then he flashes him a grin and waves him over to the device in question, chattering away while Dirk gets to work. 

It's nice. He lets Jake's words wash over him like a pleasant tide, responding occasionally to his anecdotes, most of them about his adventure with Jade on the island. There's still a little resentment that runs through him, hearing Jake talk about that place so fucking fondly, but it's irrational and he knows it so he clamps down on it as much as he can, and tries to be enthusiastic with his responses. Eventually, Jake runs out of stories and they lapse into quiet, except for the infrequent grunts Dirk makes while he turns Jake's shitty microwave over and roots around inside. He has to really concentrate to prevent himself from trying to fill it with words of his own, but the microwave distraction helps. Jake doesn't seem bothered, naturally, just kind of watch curiously over his shoulder, trying to follow what he's doing. 

"That looks damn complicated," he says, and Dirk realizes with a sudden flush just how close Jake is standing to him, practically breathing in his ear. He shrugs. 

"It's not, really. Loose wires. Didn't even really need the tools, except to get these panels off, I guess." He puts it back together, eyeing it critically. "I hope you didn't spend too much grist on this piece of shit." 

"Hey now, be nice. Aren't you the one always going on about machines having feelings and whatnot?" 

" _Sentient_ machines, maybe," Dirk says. "Plug this thing in, come on. Let's see it." 

Jake looks a little dubious, but of course it works. Dirk shoots him a smug little grin. 

Ten minutes later, there's popcorn and a movie, but predictably, all Dirk can focus on is the distance between them on the fucking couch. Too close? Too far? What's expected of them, here? It feels fucking ridiculous to stress out over this when he can still remember with vivid clarity the way they'd stumbled through their first awkward exploratory encounters with one another, Jake's fingers in his hair and his tongue in his mouth and his hips grinding tremulously down, tortuously unsure -- and then later, less virginal and more demanding, sharing every damn thing they could with one another again and again. It had been the one thing between them Jake liked to initiate, but he's making no move in that sense right now, sitting politely on his side of the couch and crunching away open-mouthed in a way that would be kind of irritating if Dirk were actually paying attention to the movie. 

Fuck. 

He honestly tries. Jake's picked this one and it's not one he's seen before, and there is absolutely nothing romantic about it, which is fine, but it appears to be some kind of action-suspense deal with a family and a volcano and the predictable eruption of the latter paired with the chronic terrible decision making of the former, and he knows Jake hates when he shits on movies while they're watching him but it's so goddamn hard not to comment. Also, frankly, the subject matter is a little strange, considering their history. Did he do that on purpose? It's fucking impossible to tell. 

Maybe noticing he's biting his tongue so hard it's about to start bleeding, Jake taps him with the bowl. Dirk takes a handful just to have something to keep busy with. The family on screen tries to drive a vehicle with rubber tires across an actual lava flow and he can't help it, he can't take it anymore, Dirk flops back into the sofa and laughs. 

"What the hell?" Jake glances at him. "This is not supposed to be funny! This is intense!" 

"This is _stupid,_ " Dirk says, gesturing at the screen. "What did they think was going to happen? Seriously?" 

"They're desperate and out of options!" 

"There are about ten _thousand_ ways they could have gotten out of this situation without resorting to this bullshit!" 

"Well, shame on them for not having the brains of certified genius, Dirk Strider!" Jake picks up one of the couch cushions and smacks him with it, which upends the popcorn bowl between them, which doesn't end up mattering because it's empty anyway. Dirk wrenches the cushion away and tosses it over the back of the couch, safely out of both of their reaches. 

"Yeah, shame on them. Fuck those guys." 

"Dirk, honestly," Jake says, but he's kind of laughing, too. "There's _children._ Please tell me you at least don't want the children to die." 

Dirk holds up his hands. "I didn't say I wanted them to die! Just, you know... go back in time, un-make all the shitty decisions that put them here in the first place..." 

"Completely removing the entire plot of the movie..." Jake continues for him. 

"A favor to the world, probably." 

"I _like_ this movie, thank you very much." 

"Okay, but counterpoint: Can you name even one movie that you _don't_ like?" 

On screen, the family is saving the family dog. Cute. Predictable. 

"Can you name one that you _do?_ " Jake shoots back. 

Dirk inhales to answer, but Jake cuts him off, quickly. 

"One that _wasn't_ made by your brother!" 

Dirk exhales, loudly, and laughs. "Shit. You know me too well." 

Jake flops back against the cushions, making a rueful sound. "We've only had this exact argument ten thousand blasted times, at least." 

"Hey, you're the one who suggested a movie. You knew what you were getting yourself into." 

"Oh? And just what would you have suggested instead, wise guy?" 

"I don't know, man. Does it matter? We're here. This is fine." 

Jake eyes him suspiciously. "Really?" 

Dirk tries his best to look sincere. "Really." 

"Hm." 

"I mean, honestly? Anything is fine. I just, you know." He winces. It's ridiculous how he can _want_ so badly to just let himself be fucking sappy for a second and still have such a hard time choking out anything that sounds even halfway sincere. "I'm glad just to spend time with you? So yeah." 

And Jake smiles, which makes the struggle well worth it. He scoots a little closer, and Dirk's heart starts thudding in a completely presumptuous, anticipatory way. When the doomed fucking town in the movie they're watching gets utterly obliterated by what looks like a chunky flow of volcanic diarrhea, taking out some dude whose name Dirk feels like he should know with it, Jake lets out this cute little squeak and grabs his hand, and fuck, all right. This is the most actual, physical contact they've had since well before Dirk called it off the first time, and the warmth of Jake's hand in his is a hell of a lot more compelling than the trumped up drama unfolding on the television. 

It ends on a perfunctorially ominous note, and Jake sighs as the credits roll. 

"So," Dirk says, "I can't help but wonder. What made you pick _that?_ " 

"What do you mean?" Jake says. 

"Like, what makes you think, oh, I've got a hot date with Dirk tonight, I'd better pick the movie about the erupting volcano? Is that just like, an irreversible connection, now? Subconscious? Damn, dude." 

Jake's eyes get almost comically wide, and he sputters in a way that is undeniably fucking appealing. Fuck. 

"Jesus _Christ,_ " he whispers. "I did not even _think_ about -- oh my god." 

He looks horrified. Dirk laughs. Jake's hand is still resting comfortably in his, so he gives it a little reassuring squeeze. "It's cool, man. I'm just giving you shit." 

"No, you're right! That is -- holy hell, that is _unfortunate,_ " he says, diving for the controller and stopping the credits mid-roll like doing so can somehow take back the entire movie. "I swear that was _not_ intentional." 

"In a way, the fact that it was completely unintentional is kinda even more telling," Dirk says, and Jake is already shaking his head before he's halfway through voicing the thought. 

"No, no, damn you, no. I'm not waltzing down that path with you, not right now. That was possibly the _least_ romantic situation of my life and that's saying a lot!" He pulls his hand away, and Dirk tries and probably fails to not look suddenly and deeply bereft. 

"Okay," Dirk agrees, holding his hands up in surrender. "You got it. Consider the subject changed. No more volcano chat. Got it." 

"See," Jake says, and Dirk can hardly miss the way Jake sweeps his eyes up and down over him while he says it, "I was planning on kissing you at some point in the near future, here, but now you've gone and made it awkward!" 

"Oh, shit." Dirk sits up a little straighter. "So, is there nothing I can say to put that possibility back on the table, then?" 

Jake worries his lip, considering him. "So, you want to, then?" 

"Are you joking, right now?" 

"Do I look like I'm joking!" Jake shakes a finger at him. "I am trying my level best to navigate this strange and frankly perilous situation, and you're not helping one bit!" 

" _Perilous?_ " 

"Absolutely!" 

"So what's the danger here, exactly?" Dirk leans forward, genuninely curious. 

"That I'll bungle everything up again, somehow! And second chances are all well and good, Dirk, but _third_ chances? Who ever heard of third chances? No, this is it. And I feel like if we can't make this work despite trying our absolute best, then..." He swallows. Dirk is sort of reeling at how unexpectedly _real_ this all became, all of a sudden. "I don't want to spend my whole life _actually_ alone, not really. Not _forever_ , all the time! Thinking constantly about how I could have had you if I'd just been a little smarter about things?" 

"Okay," Dirk says, holding up a hand to stop him, because holy shit. "Okay. First off, calm down, all right?" It's hilarious that _he's_ the one telling _Jake_ to calm down -- and sort of gratifying? 

"Right. I'm calm. I'm perfectly calm!" 

"Sure. All right. Second, I don't know, I thought things were going pretty well? Was that just me?" 

"...No," Jake admits, and his posture relaxes, some. "Definitely not. Even if you were a smarmy little arsehole during the movie." 

"I can only be what I am, man," Dirk grins. "To a certain extent, anyway. So..." His grin fades, gives way to a more somber expression. "I mean, knowing that, you're sure you still... want me?" 

"Very much so," Jake says, and the way he just flips that out, no hesitation at all -- Dirk's insides all do a fucking backflip together and then riot at once. He nods, trying so fucking hard to just keep his cool. 

"So then, if I kissed you, right now...?" His stomach is tying itself in knots. Which is fucking _ridiculous_ , he has kissed Jake a hundred times. But this is a _moment_ , an important one, maybe the moment they can look back on as the one where their second chance _really_ started, and so when Jake tilts his head and quirks his lips into a little smirk and just nods, once, he feels like he might just be a second away from melting off the couch and right through the floor, a lot like the ridiculous CGI lava flow he just spent two hours watching devastate some fictional town. His body temperature could probably give molten rock a run for its money, right now. 

He scoots over, pulls Jake in, and kisses him like it's their first time -- only maybe a little less awkward, a little more practiced, a little more informed by knowing what he likes. So not really like a first kiss at all. But damn, it's nice. It's familiar and affecting and disconcertingly popcorn flavored, and it's strange to have to be the one to break it off when Jake starts pushing him down by the shoulders, because as many times as they've been here before this is still a new beginning and they are still supposed to be taking this slow, god dammit. 

Jake grins at him, eyes slightly hazy. "Right," he says, a little breathless. "That's enough." 

It isn't, not really, but Dirk nods and they break apart, putting a safe little bit of distance between them, both of them red-faced and breathing unsteadily. 

"Shall I put another in, then?" Jake says, finally, glancing from him to the television and back. "I don't... really want to call this a night, just yet, but..." 

"Yeah," Dirk says. He doesn't, either. "Sure." 

He nods off halfway through the third one, hours later, leaning heavily on the armrest with Jake cuddled up warm and solid against his side. He has an arm slung around him, and it's quiet and intimate and so fucking _nice,_ he thinks, drifting. 

 

*

 

Roxy corners him a week later. In the lab, predictably, though he's so engrossed in what he hopes is a breakthrough epiphany on the transportalizer project he doesn't even hear her come in. So when she taps him on the shoulder he lets out this undignified and even worse, extremely uncool little squeak and almost drops the disk, fumbling it and just barely keeping the thing under control. She laughs in his ear. He lets out a pained little huff. 

"I swear to God, Roxy, if I'd dropped that thing --" 

"You can't break what's already broke," she says, quirking a little grin at him. 

"No, please let me assure you, you can always make a broken thing _more_ broken, god damn." He sets the thing down, carefully. Roxy watches him, wearing an extremely nonplussed expression.

And then there's this uncomfortable silence, because Roxy knows exactly what she came here to talk about and Dirk knows perfectly well that she's giving him one last opportunity to bring it up, first. Dirk squares his shoulders and faces her like he's facing an execution. 

"All right," he says. "What have you heard." 

"I think you know damn well what I've heard," Roxy says, and god damn it, she actually sounds kind of... hurt. "The only thing that's wigging me out really is that _I_ had to hear it from my impertinent if admittedly adorable son, all secondhand and shit. Like I'm not supposed to be thick as fuckin' thieves with the source himself, or something." 

"All right," Dirk says, and fuck, he shouldn't feel this _guilty_ , it's not like Roxy was _actually_ entitled to his personal fucking information. 

Except -- that's kind of bullshit, and he knows it. He sighs. 

"It's not that I didn't want to tell you," he starts. She makes a derisive little sound, rolling her eyes. 

"Dirk, really. I expect better from you than shitty cliches." She folds her arms over her chest. "Can I just ask why you didn't?" 

There's really no way to put this that doesn't paint him accurately as the asshole he is, so he just shrugs, takes a breath, and says it. 

"I wasn't sure I was really ready for the whole relationship hash out thing with you, all right?" He presses his lips together, shuts his eyes against her baffled expression. "Like, open the fucking floodgates, right? Jake and I are back together, so now you don't have to feel all fucking awkward mentioning that thing everyone knows _you've_ got going on, only, Jesus, Roxy, I think about that and I just kind of want to really fucking deck your boyfriend, okay?" He holds his hands up and shrugs. There it is. "No matter how often Jake tells me what a nice, upstanding sort of guy he is. No one really deserves you." 

He opens his eyes, and she's just sort of staring at him, lips parted, eyes wide. He has no idea what to make of that expression on _Roxy._ Roxy always knows what's up. 

But then it passes and she's clapping her hands up over her mouth, and sputtering against her palms, and then her eyes are squeezing shut and she's _laughing_ , doubled over actual belly-laughing, and it's infectious as fuck but Dirk won't let himself join her because he's too busy being embarrassed, instead. Yeah, it's stupid. It _is_ laughable. He'd rather she laughed at him than yelled at him or called him out on what a piece of shit he's being, but -- damn. 

She's crying, now, actual tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes, and he crosses his arms and wrinkles his brows and just stares at her until she's done. 

Or at least done enough to talk again. 

"Oh my _god,_ " she gasps. "I thought it was something _serious_ , you fucking horse's ass!" 

"What the fuck. This _is_ serious, thank you very much?" 

She snorts again, puffs out her cheeks and makes this _pfft_ sound -- and Dirk is struck kind of dizzy by how he's seen Dave do this exact same thing and he doesn't think they got it from each other, exactly -- and she wags a finger at him, her other hand planted firmly on one hip. 

"I thought you were, I dunno, mad at me? Or, maybe afraid of what I'd say, like I wouldn't support you or something, and damn, Dirk, that fucking hurt! Thinking that! Fuck you for making me think that for a second!" She stops wagging her finger and her tone softens a bit, too. "I thought, does he think I wouldn't be _happy_ for him, or what? I'm thrilled! And worried! It's been like what, a fucking week, and you haven't had me here to coach you out of doing something idiotic!" 

"Right," Dirk says, coughing, gaze sliding away from hers. "You'll be glad to know I've been consulting Dave and Karkat fairly regularly, in regards to that." 

"And that's something, but if you're implying for a second that those boys are any substitute for the ace advice of _Roxy Lalonde_ , I'm going to have to slap you silly." 

"Right, no. Shit, no. Of course not." 

"Good," she says, narrowing her eyes. "And as for that _other_ thing..." 

"I know. I'm a piece of shit. I know." 

"If your delicate sensibilities can't handle it, I can just keep offloading it all on Jane." Roxy's grin turns absolutely manic. "She _hates_ it, Dirk. It's fuckin' adorable. She claps her hands up over her ears and just wails at me, _that's my actual son you're talking to me about, you shameless minx!_ " Her Jane impression isn't very accurate, but it _is_ hilarious. Dirk shakes his head. 

"God, poor Jane." 

"So that's what you're condemning her to, for as long as you insist you just can't hear about it." 

"Fuck, I'm a monster." 

Roxy nods, sagely. 

"You better get your shit together," she says. "For Jane's sake." 

"I'll try," Dirk says, and he says it like it's a joke but they both know they're being super fucking serious, right now. 

"No assaulting my boyfriend, please," she says, and a little pang goes through him at the word _boyfriend_ , which is stupid and unwarranted and shitty of him, but hell if he can stop it. "Unless I ask you to, but I think he'd probably have to fuck up pretty bad for me to unleash you on him." 

"Just say the word," Dirk says, and in this at least it's almost worryingly easy to be sincere. She winks. 

"And if you ever need me to slap around Mr. Jake I'm-Too-Damn-Sexy-For-My-Own-Good English for you..." 

"Right," Dirk says, and the thought is so absurd he can't help but laugh. "That'll solve everything, I'm sure." 

"Like a goddamn panacea," she agrees. "So. We good?" 

"I'm good." 

" _Good,_ " Roxy says, with this final sort of nod. "All right, then. How long have you been in here? Made any progress?" She bends over and picks up the transportalizer, and a little jolt of excitment goes through him as he remembers what he had been doing here in the first place. 

"Shit, yeah. Put that down and stand back here. Jade and I have been working on this all week. Look." 

He flips a switch and there's this humming noise as the thing -- _finally_ \-- gets power. Roxy looks with wide eyes from it to him and back. 

"So... what's the worst case scenario, if I step on that thing right now?" 

"Fuck, I don't know. It scatters your atoms across the universe, maybe?" 

"Ports us back into the medium?" 

"Like, in the worst possible place, probably. The bottom of some acid ocean somewhere." 

"The depths of some space player's shiny new forge." 

"Fuck, does it matter? We're immortal." 

"Depends. Done anything that would make your death particularly just, lately?" 

"God, I fucking hope not." 

"Oh, hush." She holds out an arm, grinning like a maniac. "You haven't. Come on. Let's _test_ this bitch." 

He can't really disobey a direct order from _Roxy_ , so he steps forward obediently and loops his arm in hers, and she laughs a little as they consider the device. "It's going to be hella anticlimatic when it just does nothing," she says. 

"Fuck you and your lack of faith in me," Dirk says. 

"Hey, maybe that's the difference. Your boyfriend _believes_ in you, Dirk, isn't that sweet?" 

He shrugs. "Maybe it helped. Who knows? Hope powers are fucking weird, man." 

"So, before I jump on this thing... can you tell me where it's _supposed_ to be taking us?" 

"Nope," he says, and then he steps forward, pulling her with him. She barks out this surprised little laugh, and then there's the metallic twang of their footsteps on the tinny metal of the platform, and there's this _flash_ and the scent of ozone, and -- 

"Holy fucking _shit!_ " Roxy exclaims, clinging to him like she's adrift in the ocean and he's the only buoy left in the world. They sort of sway together on their feet, nearly tumbling off the destination tranportalizer, and then they steady up and they're looking down at the broad expanse of Harlish Isle from near the top of its highest point. Which is, of course, its now-dormant volcano. The wind whips around them, kicking up dust -- or maybe ash from eruptions long past -- and Roxy's fingernails are digging into his arm, but he doesn't mind. 

"Holy shit," she says again. "Jake is going to shit a fucking brick!" 

"That's the idea," he says, and his phone buzzes like it was waiting for its fucking cue, or something. He grins. Fishes it out. Checks his messages.

GT: Good afternoon to you strider!  
GT: Lets just get down to brass tacks here shall we? Ive got a proposition for you.   
GT: Jade says shes got some info from some of the documents she found in the old island lab as to where some more interesting locations might be hidden and shes interested in enterprising adventurers up to the task of scouting the places out so to speak!  
GT: And i thought about it and i dont really want to go it alone and it seems right up your alley so...  
GT: What do you think? Are you up for some *adventure*?  
TT: Nah.   
GT: ...No?  
GT: Really? Not at all?  
TT: Kinda busy right now, actually.   
GT: I see.  
TT: I might be working on something for you, here.   
GT: For me?  
GT: How so?   
TT: How about you meet me in Roxy's lab in like, ten minutes?  
TT: You'll like it.   
TT: I promise.   


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr at [@landofsomethingsomething](http://landofsomethingsomething.tumblr.com)!


End file.
